When someone is compulsively trying to fix someone, it can have a devastating impact on the entire family. In recovery, this behavior might grow stronger with a desire to help people who seem to need lots of help. It is not anyone else’s job to fix them but the person themselves. There are some practical tools to help you in recovery if you are dealing with a challenge in fixing other people.
One of the ways to stop fixing is to try and set some personal boundaries for yourself in recovery. You can quickly lose sight of your own recovery and feel that others need fixing and helping as much as you do. If you want to stop taking care of others and care for yourself, you need to detach from guilt and shame that come from an empathic response you may feel for others. This may lead you to do things you do not want to do. Then it becomes your responsibility rather than theirs to handle their recovery.
It is common for people to think others should think the way they do or feel the way they do. We assume if partners love each other or friends and co-workers care about each other, they should behave in much the same way. Learning to care and respect for others as they are is key to recovery (and not getting yourself into bad relationships that might jeopardize recovery). Men are wired for action and women for listening and empathy. This can make for a tricky situation when looking at dating relationships or marital relationships in recovery. Mirroring involves trying to build rapport with the other person and offer support by letting them know you understand them and know what they are going through. Fixing involves coming up with solutions or behaviors for them that they didn’t ask for (or want) and usually does not end in a healthy, balanced relationship. When there are relationship challenges, problems can seem inevitable. They may appear to be feelings of resentment and rejection but they can be turned into love, care, and trust. It is possible to work towards fixing a problem and coming up with a healthy resolution together. It is worth finding a solution to the challenges that face you, but it might take some time to navigate how to make this shift. It is worth it when you understand the positive shift that can happen when you move forward in life, away from fixing, towards helping others heal with you on the journey.
Oceanfront is a place to be vulnerable and to heal from addiction. We provide a confidential environment to come and learn about addiction recovery. If you are struggling with drugs or alcohol, we are here to help. We are located in beautiful Laguna Beach. Call us to find out how we can help you navigate addiction recovery: 888-981-4295